I’m new around here.
In so many ways.
I’m new to blogging. I’ve read blogs and commented and even started a wedding blog a few years back, but this is the first ‘real’ time writing my own blog, about me and my feelings and my life, amongst other things.
And I’m also new to Melbourne.
A whole new city I’d barely spent any time in before moving here permanently.
I’m also back to being a Stay At Home Mum. I worked full time all of last year, and had a pretty full on ‘casual’ job thr year before that (where i was actuallu working closer to 20-30 hour weeks instead of 2-3 shifts a week, but thats another story!) and I’ve got to admit, it was tough.
I had all these expectations that I felt I wasn’t meeting, by spreading myself too thin. I never had time to see any of my friends and felt so bad about not nurturing friendships, let alone my marriage. It felt like my Husband and I were always arguing. Never seeing eye to eye, never on the same team.
We coped, but we didn’t bloom and it didn’t serve us well.
In some ways it was good and did help us, monetary wise and it did actually help With some of my anxiety I had been suffering and had been progressively getting worse since becoming a Mum, and I enjoyed it, mostly, and loved the social side and friendships.
But I felt like at the end of the day I was so worn out and had been talking all day that I had used up all my energy and didn’t have enough left over to be the best Mum or Wife I could be. I didn’t feel healthy or strong and was lacking severely in vitamin D because I was inside a shopping centre all day from morning to night.
And in Brisbane, for so many different reasons, I felt so many expectations of me. Mostly my own expectations I had on myself, but they were expectations I thought others had of me. And wether they had those expectations or not were irrelevant. I accepted the expectations and let them fester and grow and weigh on me.
So in Melbourne I feel very free.
Not just because I’m not working at the moment, but because for the first time I can truly be myself again.
Like most Mums, when I had my daughter, for the first 2 years it was just all about DinoGirl (her nic name as she is quite obsessed with the extinct creatures), and as it should be, I was learning on the job!
But while it was all about bub, I realised I had lost a lot of me. I was trying to be Mum, working out my place as a Mum. Was I a young, funky Mum ( I was 23 when I fell pregnant) or as soon as you become a Mum do you have to automatically be that eternal Mum figure, who always seems around 40 and doesn’t wear makeup anymore and gets her hair cut really short cause it’s easier to manage and doesn’t fuss with things like fashion and how She looks anymore? (which, by the way, is totally fine if you are already that person and have never cared for such frivolous things such as makeup and clothes, but I most certainly wasnt already that person. I lived and breathed fashion and makeup and dressing up and being experimental with my look).
I was so confused.
In the last 2 years I had slowly been making my own personal headway with balancing and finding that middle ground of who I was.
But since being in Melbourne I have felt a lot more centred, and in control and felt comfortable as ‘myself’.
Even down to my personal style and fashion.
It’s like the moment I touched down in Melbourne, the city itself welcomed me with open arms, comforted me, patted my head and said “its ok, you can be yourself here”.
I’m loving that feeling of possibilities again.
I had a chance at being a SAHM and doing things I enjoyed and revelling in my role as Mother and Wife and starting my own business and blogging and being creative again, but I blew it by letting anxiety and expectations take a hold.
This time I feel so much stronger, and grown, and aware and most importantly I feel like ME.
I have the support of a wonderful (occasionally frustrating!) Husband and this crazily incredible little kiddo who just want me to be happy.
And hello, the shopping, we can’t ignore the happiness that the fashion capital of Australia and its shopping possibilities can bring!
So I’m new around here. I’m new in myself, in this city, with blogging and I feel like a new, improved Mother, Wife, daughter and friend is emerging too.
Liz x TJC x